By Ọláwálé David Oyinlade, Educationist & Media Personality
In the rush of modern life, the school runs, the work deadlines, the constant digital hum, it's easy to see parenting as a series of tasks: feed them, clothe them, educate them. We pour our resources into extra lessons and the latest gadgets, striving to give our children a competitive edge.
But I’ve spent my career immersed in Education Technology and I can tell you this: the most powerful, indispensable tool for a child's success isn't a tablet, an app, or a smart board. It is the unconditional, visible love they receive from you, their parent, at home.
This isn’t just a nice feeling; it's a fundamental biological and psychological necessity. Responsible parenting starts with the deliberate, daily choice to show your children they are cherished.
A Simple Story with a Profound Lesson
Years ago, I met a young man named Kunle. He wasn't the brightest student on paper, often struggled with exams, and was generally quiet. However, he possessed an almost magical ability to bounce back from failure. A bad grade would make him sad, but never defeated.
When I asked him his secret, he didn't talk about a tutor. He smiled and said, "Sir, my mother has a saying: 'A child who knows they are loved is a child who is ready to learn.' Every morning, before she leaves for the market, she tells me, 'Kunle, whether you get an 'A' or an 'F,' you are my champion.' She doesn't just say it; she gives me a long hug and looks me in the eyes. I go to school knowing that even if I fail the test, I cannot fail her love. That makes me brave enough to try again tomorrow."
Kunle's story is the heartbeat of responsible parenting. That look, that hug, those words, that was his security blanket, his confidence booster, and his cognitive firewall, all in one.
Why Love is the Best Brain Food 🧠
Science confirms what Kunle’s mother instinctively knew: showing love literally shapes a child's brain for success.
• It Builds Resilience: A child who feels loved has a secure base. When they face setbacks, a bully, a disappointing score, or even a technical glitch in their coding project, they know they have a safe harbor to return to. This resilience is the fuel for persistence.
• It Activates Learning: Chronic stress and fear shut down the part of the brain responsible for higher-level thinking, memory, and problem-solving. A loving, supportive home environment acts as a buffer against stress, allowing the brain to stay open, curious, and ready to absorb knowledge.
• It Teaches Empathy: Children learn how to treat others by observing how they are treated. A home filled with visible love and affection raises adults who are kind, empathetic, and capable of forming healthy relationships, essential skills for the future workplace.
The Nigerian Context: A Call to Action for Every Parent
In Nigeria, we prize academic success highly, often measuring a parent's commitment by the sheer volume of homework or the cost of the private school. While education is vital, we must remember the pre-requisite for effective learning.
For our education system to truly thrive, we need more than just technology in the classrooms; we need emotionally intelligent, self-assured students walking through the doors.
As an advocate for Education Technology (EdTech), I see the tremendous power of digital tools to bridge gaps. But EdTech can only deliver content. It is the loving parent who must prepare the child to receive it.
• When a parent shows love, they are teaching their child the value of self-worth. This is the internal motivation needed to master a complex subject, whether it's via a textbook or an online tutorial.
• When a child is secure in their parents' affection, they feel safe to ask questions, make mistakes, and experiment—the very core of innovation and critical thinking that our nation needs to move forward.
The future of Nigeria rests on the shoulders of our children. Let’s not overburden them with anxiety about perfection. Let's lighten their load with the weight of our unwavering love.
Your Daily Parenting 'Love' Checklist ✔️
It doesn't take hours or money to show your love. It takes intention. Here are simple, powerful actions:
1. The Six-Second Hug: Don't just peck their cheek. Give a hug that lasts long enough (about six seconds) to release oxytocin, the "bonding hormone," for both of you.
2. Uninterrupted Time: Put your phone away for 10 minutes a day and just listen. Ask about their day and genuinely hear the answer, without judgment or trying to "fix" their problems immediately.
3. Specific Praise: Instead of just "Good job," say, "I saw how hard you worked on that drawing. Your patience is amazing." Praise the effort, not just the result.
4. Apologize When Wrong: Loving them means modeling humility. If you snap or make a mistake, say, "I'm sorry, I was stressed. I love you." This teaches them that mistakes are okay and relationships can be repaired.
Responsible parenting is an act of creation. We are not just raising children; we are building the emotional and intellectual architects of the future. The greatest inheritance you can pass on, the most advanced technology you can install, is the firm, comforting knowledge in your child's heart: "I am loved."
Go home today and show them. The future is waiting.